Generational curses.
This is a phrase we all know and have heard many times. Often, we think of addiction, poverty, and divorce, but there are a few that don’t get as much attention.
The truth is that they impact us the most as small business owners. Keep reading to learn what they are, how they manifested in my life, and how I eventually overcame them.
The Beginning
We moved from Greensboro to High Point, NC, in the early 80s after my parents’ divorce. I was in the second grade. After renting a home from a relative for a while, my mom finally had enough savings to purchase one a few miles away. The best part was we didn’t have to move schools. Though we lost our old neighborhood's diversity, working-class families still surrounded us.
I grew up in a single-parent household but never felt like I lacked anything. My mom — a police officer — provided a comfortable life for me and my siblings. She also cared for my grandmother, who suffered from diabetes and Alzheimer’s. She had a full plate but managed to handle it like a pro. And even though my dad no longer lived with us, he was there.
My mom was an intelligent, go-getter type of woman, but her time was often limited. Despite that, she returned to school, earning her bachelor's and master's degrees while working full-time. Let’s not forget the constant off-duty gigs she’d pick up for extra money, from security at the basketball games to pulling funerals.
She always spoke about two things: education and credit. To her, both were the keys to a successful future. So, at a young age, I feared credit cards because she would warn us of the dangers of debt.
I opened a student checking account at sixteen after scoring a part-time job at Boston Market. I took pride in balancing my checkbook (I still do it today!), ensuring everything was accounted for. I was also a big saver back then, never wanting to “use up” all my money. I vividly recall my siblings asking me to hold something because they knew I kept a stash of cash.
Beyond High School
Back then, it wasn’t uncommon for parents to advise their children to pursue safe opportunities — those that provided “guaranteed” income.
Case in point. After graduating high school, I found myself at a crossroads. I was a young mother, so the educational avenues I once had were reduced to daily commutes to local universities.
The University of North Carolina at Greensboro (#gospartans!) offered degrees aligned with my fields of interest: writing and decorating. I just had to decide which path to take.
Though she had great intentions, my mom knocked the wind out of my sail, convincing me to pursue a nursing degree instead. She wanted me to have zero problems obtaining employment after graduation.
Did I want to be a nurse? Absolutely not!
Did I need a well-paying full-time job with benefits to help care for myself and my son? YES!
Reluctantly, I chose the nursing field, starting the underwhelming and stressful journey into my core classes, including human anatomy.
That was the first of two Fs (the second was in my master’s program) I ever received, which gave me the grounds to switch gears.
I happily enrolled in the interior design program but was in for a rude awakening. Not only was it costly because we had to purchase several materials out of pocket, but it was time-consuming. Remember my son? Several days a week, I had to leave campus, pick him up from daycare, and drive back, where I completed my assignments in the design studio.
I also had a part-time job at a call center, which I loved!
I soon realized that interior design wasn’t what I thought it was. It was more about architecture, textiles, and lighting than decorating. Sketching design plans and making projects from sticks and stones for a grade just didn’t light me up.
Though I made some really good connections in the program (one of them being my dear friend, Kim), the writing world was calling my name.
Major change #3: English.
From a young age, my mom knew I had the gift of writing. I was and still am a certified bookworm, so writing was a natural progression. She supported my decision to switch majors but didn’t see writing as a lucrative, long-term career. In her mind, it was more of a hobby.
The Epiphany
My mom was a Baby Boomer and valued stability and strong work ethic like others from that generation. Entrepreneurship was not an attainable life for her, even though my dad, a talented musician, had been self-employed for most of his adult life.
She encouraged and motivated me to do everything I wanted but within reason.
What came from that impacted my mindset on another level.
After working with my business coach in 2021, I began to have startling realizations. Known as the “Bottom Line Strategist,” her mantra was, “Profit is sexy.”
That concept was hella uncomfortable for me (and she called me out on it!), but it never dawned on me why.
Even though my mom was my version of superwoman, pursuing her educational and career goals with intensity, I developed a “realistic” approach to life. If I’m being honest, I have always classified myself as a realist.
You know, practical, rational, SAFE.
Ask for it, but not too much.
Do this, but not too much.
It’s not surprising that these ideas trickled over into my business.
I am highly ambitious and set and meet goals, but I never had a “beyond my wildest dreams, I can have whatever I want in this world” mindset.
I inherited a survival mentality from my lived experience, including becoming a mom at 17 years old.
Breaking The Curse
The Millennial generation and beyond bred some bold free thinkers with a natural propensity for entrepreneurship.
We want to work for ourselves, make our rules, and rock the boat if necessary, and that’s a stark difference from my mom’s generation.
I’ve always believed that your upbringing, in other words, your “marinade,” makes you the person you are. Whether you succumb to it or vow to improve is up to you.
Today, I consider money a renewable resource. If you spend it, there’s more where that came from. It is limitless, and there’s enough to go around.
I also view my gifts and talents that way. I can’t use them up; nurturing them refills my tank.
I allow myself the space to dream BIG, realizing that the survivor mentality served its purpose in my life. I no longer have to think and move that way.
My mom raised me with her perspective based on what she experienced, and while I appreciate it, I also understand how it shaped my outlook on life, money, and goal-setting.
It’s a new day.
📌Final Note
When you’re a small business owner or entrepreneur, you don’t have room for “realistic.”
You have to be almost delusional to consistently market and sell your products and services, even when the sales don’t reflect your effort. You must develop Teflon-like skin, preparing yourself for rejection and redirection.
And because you can literally write your paycheck, generational curses like “playing it safe” or money fear (never having enough or being scared to spend it) can’t exist.
I’ll take it further: operating a Black, woman-owned business is one of the hardest things you can do. Already at the bottom of the totem pole, we have to work ten times harder than anyone else to achieve the same level of success.
Audacity has to be at an all-time high to advance in business.
That’s why I’m committed to creating a legacy of beyond-the-box thinking and acting as a copywriter and marketing agency owner.
I don’t want to impose my fears or trauma on my children.
So, shoutout to anyone breaking generational curses. I know it’s cliché, but be the change you want to see.
If you grew up hearing similar narratives and developed a mindset block because of it, you don’t have to keep telling the same story.
You can be the small business owner, the person you always wanted to be. No strings or limits attached.
What stories did you grow up hearing that impacted you as an entrepreneur?
In loving memory of my mother, Shelia Dianne Baker Twyman
Thank you for making me the woman I am today.
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